Find your third place

Why embracing these special places help our mental health and well-being

I couldn’t get over the scene. A dingy old pub, smelling strongly of hops and yeast, carpet that hadn’t seen a good cleaning in a few months, and yet, the sense of community overpowered all of this. You could tell, this was a special place, made even more special by the people, their commitment to this being their space, and their joy at being connected. I stood there awkwardly, not sure what to order, where to sit, and watched friend after friend greet each other with a handshake or a hug. It was a bit after six o’clock, and it appeared that most of these folks were getting off work, looking for a quick pint with their mates before heading home for the evening.

There was such power in watching these people connect, as strange as it was for me to be the outsider, but then I remembered that I have places like this in my community; places where I connect with friends, know the names, the process, and ease into a level of comfort that allows for me to relax and enjoy my people.

In his 1989 book The Great Good Place, sociologist Ray Oldenburg introduced us to the concept of the "third place"—a term now widely recognized to describe social environments that are different from home and work that foster community and connection. These third places can be anything. For most, they represent scenes like I described above, such as cafés, taverns, libraries, and hair salons, and serve as informal gathering spots where people from diverse backgrounds connect and interact. Oldenburg's book offered a framework to discuss and design spaces that enhance social cohesion and community spirit. Something that in this current digital age we desperately need.

But sadly, we are seeing these third places disappear. There are so many factors that have led to their decline, including economic downturns, the separation of residential and commercial areas leading to our overreliance on cars, and food-focused establishments encouraging quick turnovers and limiting their function as community hubs. If you don’t believe me, go to dinner in Europe. There is no rush, the wait staff are there to let you engage with your party vs. hurry you along, and people are there for hours instead of minutes. It’s truly a site worth seeing, experiencing, and worthy of asking yourself why we don’t do more of this in the states.

It seems we need a major revitalization of third places. For me, to do this, we have to begin by creating communities that have welcoming, inclusive environments that meet basic needs and foster some form of engagement. Sure, online platforms can also offer alternative spaces for connection, particularly for those unable to frequent physical third places, but it’s still not the same.

In our increasingly busy and interconnected world, the concept of "the third place" holds a critical yet often overlooked importance for mental health and overall well-being. Understanding and leveraging the importance of these spaces can have a profound impact on mental health. I spent some time reading to learn more about the third place, and found out a great deal that I think we should be talking about more for mental health.

Social Connection and Support

One of the most significant benefits of third places is the sense of community and social connection they provide. If you have read this Substack before, you know how much I lean into the foundation that humans are inherently social creatures, and meaningful social interactions are crucial for our mental health. A third place offers a space where individuals can meet, interact, and build relationships with others outside the usual social circles of home and work. These interactions have some power such as being able to reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation, which we know are significant risk factors for mental health issues like depression and anxiety.

Stress Relief and Relaxation

Third places can serve as a sanctuary where people can unwind and escape the stresses of home and work. If you have had one of these places, you know the feeling. You walk in, and it’s almost like a massive weight has been taken off your shoulders. Here, in this space, you can set aside some of the stressors that may b in your other spaces, process them, and have a supportive network who may even be able to help you get through whatever you are going through. These environments often encourage relaxation and leisure, providing a mental break from daily responsibilities and pressures. There’s power in the simple, whether it's enjoying a cup of coffee, playing a game, or attending a meeting, these activities can significantly reduce stress levels and improve mood.

Sense of Belonging and Identity

When was the last time you went into a coffee shop, pub, or even a favorite bookstore and someone remembered your name, your order? Dale Carnegie knew how important names were. In fact, it’s actually his sixth secret of success, “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” The significance of personal recognition extends beyond merely remembering names though that’s a great place to start; it taps into a fundamental human need for acknowledgment and belonging. When we address someone by their name, we affirm their identity and validate their presence, fostering a deeper connection and mutual respect. This simple yet powerful act of recognition can transform social interactions, making people feel valued and understood. By prioritizing personal recognition in our daily interactions, we create a more inclusive and empathetic environment, whether in personal relationships, professional settings, or communal spaces.

Third places contribute to a sense of belonging and identity. Regularly visiting a third place can help us feel part of a community, enhancing our sense of self and purpose. And yes, the more times we visit our third place, the more likely that names are remembered and used!

Intergenerational Interaction

Third places often bring together people of different ages, fostering intergenerational interactions that can be enriching for all involved. Younger individuals can benefit from the wisdom and experience of older generations, while older adults can gain a sense of purpose and connection from engaging with younger people. These interactions can enhance empathy, understanding, and social cohesion, contributing to better mental health for all community members. I love the idea that we can connect generations with a common cause - to support one another. There’s beauty and power in this intergenerational “Voltron” that comes together.

So what?

The third place is a vital component of a healthy and balanced life that enhances our mental health and well-being. By creating opportunities for social connection, stress relief, a sense of belonging, access to resources, intergenerational interaction, creative expression, and more, third places play a role in supporting our health. As our ever growing online world continues to evolve, it is crucial to recognize and preserve these real life spaces, ensuring that everyone has access to the mental health benefits they offer. By doing so, we can foster stronger, healthier, and more connected communities.