Finding silver linings

The importance of taking time for celebration and gratitude during a hard year

In the middle of difficult seasons of life, it can be challenging to think of things worth celebrating. In fact, during especially tough times, it can feel like celebrating anything at all would almost be unseemly. Over the past two years, I’ve certainly felt that way.

I remember early in the pandemic the cars full of teachers that would drive by their students' homes, honking and singing to the kids. I remember our seemingly never-ending celebration of our front line health care workers. This was early on and those small moments of light helped us all – they were our celebrations.

But now, more than 650,000 of our fellow citizens have died because of COVID-19, more than 20 million Americans have lost their jobs, and a soaring number of students have failed classes or not shown up to school at all.

With so much heartache and loss, what is there to celebrate, or even to be grateful for?

More than we might think, it turns out. And, as the science conclusively shows, even in moments of significant loss or sadness, it can be helpful for us to take time for both celebration and gratitude. That’s what this post is about.

There is a sizable collection of research on the ways in which celebration and gratitude can actually make us healthier and happier people, and it begins with a couple of key biological facts. As the late anthropologist Judith Glaser has noted, when we celebrate with others—even small achievements at work, for example—a collection of chemicals (including oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine) is released in our brains that allows us to increase our focus and better handle stress. Glaser refers to this as a “celebration cocktail.”

But celebration can also help us enter a more thoughtful and calm state because it tends to lower levels of cortisol, a chemical that serves an important purpose in small doses but can cause severe anxiety when released over sustained periods of time.

Central to this research is the notion that celebration should be done together. It is important that we celebrate small milestones and achievements with one another, and not by ourselves. Maybe you solved an important problem at work. Perhaps you reconnected with an old friend. Or it could simply be the case that you made it through another trying week of balancing work, school for the kids, and navigating the stressors of a pandemic. In any of these cases, try celebrating those small victories with another person, or take explicit notice of someone else’s successes.

It’s not just celebration with others that helps, though. Expressing gratitude can also play a crucial role in bringing us greater health, happiness and peace of mind. As researchers have found, expressing gratitude is highly correlated with greater happiness and overall health. Moreover, as scholars have discovered, “when we decide to focus on all that is good in our lives, blood pressure lessens; heart rate slows; peace and well-being usher in; and resiliency is fortified.” That sounds like good news to me. And what it tells me is that we need to look for where we’ve experienced joy, even in the hard times.

None of this is to say that we should ignore the very real pain that our country has been dealing with, both from the pandemic and other causes. We should continue to work through those challenges with one another, being honest about how we’re really doing. But the hard things shouldn’t be our only story.

So, what are some practical steps you can take to bring more celebration and gratitude into your life? Here are a few ideas:

1. Journal it out.

Gratitude can be a fleeting feeling, but it doesn’t have to be. So, every morning, make a list of five things that you’re grateful for. They can be simple—perhaps beautiful fall weather, a conversation you had with a friend, or a meal you were able to share with family. Getting in the habit of expressing gratitude through writing will help you focus on what is good, and usher in its many benefits.

2. Lift others up.

Celebration shouldn’t be done in isolation. Once a day, then, find a person whom you can celebrate. You don’t need to throw them a party; it can be as simple as telling a colleague they did good work on a project, celebrating the hard work your kids did in school that day, or acknowledging the effort a friend or family member put into preparing a meal. In a time when the news is saturated with stories of suffering, find small ways to celebrate by lifting others up. It will raise their spirits and yours.

3. Put limits on bad news.

One of the reasons it can be so hard to celebrate or feel grateful is the sheer quantity of troubling news we consume each day. So, try placing constraints on news consumption that will likely make you more pessimistic but won’t give you practical ways to work through challenges. It’s critical for us to be informed citizens, but by limiting yourself to, say, half an hour of scrolling through Twitter or the New York Times each day, you’ll create more space in your life to look for what is good and beautiful.

It can certainly feel as though there’s not much to lift our spirits these days, but if we look hard enough, there are always silver linings to see. Today, for example, I’m grateful for bipartisanship on Capitol Hill that is aiming to address mental health challenges seriously and substantively. I’m grateful my kids are in school and safe. And I’m celebrating new adventures, like New Day, a podcast out this week that really looks at the things that keep us going – that keep us healthy.

So, today, I’ll leave you with two questions, because I believe we can all find answers to them.

What are you celebrating? What are you grateful for?