Rethinking relationships

And the power we do and don't give them

In today's fast-paced world, it's easy to overlook the quiet but powerful ways relationships shape our lives. We often think of relationships as static—once formed, they simply are what they are. But the truth is, relationships are dynamic, constantly evolving as we grow, changing as we face new experiences and challenges. This evolution is not just a natural part of life; it's an opportunity to really see relationships for what they are, another way to rethink how we relate to one another and how we can harness the power of our connections to support each other in ways that are more meaningful and impactful, especially when it comes to our mental health.

Like some of you, when I graduated high school I didn’t have a cell phone, email, or any easy way to stay in touch with people I had basically grown up with. In fact, recently as I was cleaning out some boxes from my attic, I found several letters and postcards from friends telling me about their summer in hand scratched letters faded by time. These letters, however silly and short they were, highlighted our attempt to maintain our relationships knowing that things had changed in our lives.

I read with great interest about summer loves, vacations gone awry, and what new song someone learned on guitar. It was simple, but even now, 30 years later looking back, these short missives meant a lot and reinforced my relationships. Recently, one friend told me how much he appreciated check ins as they kept us close even know we didn’t see each other for years. And sure, over time technology emerged, evolved, and emerged again making it easier to stay connected. But even now, I am not sure I truly saw all these relationships for what they were - a grounding, an outlet, a place of refuge.

For me, so many of my relationships have ended up in meetings over coffee. I don't know what it is about these shops, but they have always been conducive for good conversation in a relaxing environment. Oh, and there's coffee there, too!

Didi you know that Starbucks, a company a lot of us typically associate with coffee, currently holds $1.7 billion in deposits from customers? What does this mean? Well, if Starbucks were a bank, it would rank as the 545th largest commercial bank in America out of 2,118 banks. I had no idea! For me, this statistic highlights an important and related lesson—sometimes, the greatest power lies in places we least expect it. Just as Starbucks has quietly become a major player in the financial space, our relationships hold untapped potential to be powerful forces for good, particularly in mental health. With or without coffee!

As relationships change over time, so too should our approach to how we support each other. Clinical science is now reflecting this need for evolution. The mental health field is at a place where it must begin moving away from the traditional medical illness models, which focus on targeting latent disease with specific therapies, and instead, move towards process-based therapies, which embrace more of the biopsychosocial processes that drive real change, taking into account the importance of context—whether historical, social, or cultural—and how it shapes both the individual and the intervention used. This is such powerful stuff that I don’t think we talk about enough.

However, and I believe this is key, this shift mirrors how we must think about our relationships—adapting, evolving, and finding new ways to help each other. The way I interact with my friends today is different than 30 years ago. Sure, I have learned different ways to be a friend, but I have also evolved to see my relationships as more than just “nice to have.” By embracing a different approach, I think we can better unlock the untapped potential in our connections, just as clinical science is moving towards therapies that target the core processes driving mental health improvement vs. specific interventions for specific diseases. It may feel like a stretch to say this but it's hard to argue with the connection.

While it may be common sense to folks on the ground who experience care, we need must move beyond the traditional, often siloed methods of care and embrace a more comprehensive, community-oriented approach. Just as process-based therapies open the door to individualized, flexible treatments, our relationships can become vehicles for personalized support, bridging the gap between the growing need for mental health resources and the limited supply of professional care. In this new model, our relationships become as essential as the interventions themselves—powerful, dynamic forces for healing and well-being. I mean they always have been, we just don’t give them the time as much as we should. Remember, without the relationship in therapy or life, most well-meaning attempts to help or intervene fail.

So, what can we do to maximize the power of our relationships to promote mental health?

1. Build intentional check-ins and meaningful interactions: Just as those old handwritten letters served as a grounding force, today’s technology gives us the tools to stay connected more easily. But it’s not about the frequency of our interactions, it’s about their depth. A text, phone call, or video chat with a purpose—asking how someone really is, offering support, or even sharing a laugh—can reinforce a relationship and serve as a meaningful source of mental and emotional support.

2. Create spaces where relationships can grow and thrive: Whether through a coffee shop, various community initiatives, group activities, or social gatherings, fostering environments where people can connect is essential. This could be as simple as hosting a regular meet-up or organizing a community project. These spaces not only help build relationships but also create a sense of belonging and shared purpose, both of which are essential for mental well-being. In my old neighborhood we used to walk with families who lived in our block to a local brewery every Thursday for dinner - a practice that led to many memories, meaningful conversations, and friendships that will last forever.

3. Encourage open conversations about mental health within relationships: Relationships can be powerful tools for mental health support, but only if we’re willing to talk about the tough stuff. I mean get real and honest about how things are going. Encouraging open and honest dialogue about mental health challenges, offering a listening ear, and being vulnerable yourself can strengthen the connection and provide much-needed emotional support. These conversations help normalize mental health, which we continue to need!

Relationships are not just a backdrop to our lives; they are the lifeblood, the foundation of our well-being. If we want to make real progress in mental health, we must stop viewing relationships as passive and start seeing them for what they truly are—powerful, active agents of change. The depth of our interactions, the spaces we create to foster connection, and the frank honesty we bring to conversations about mental health are essential. If we want to unlock the true power of our communities, it's time to give our relationships the attention they deserve. Because at the end of the day, the most powerful intervention we may have is the person sitting right next to us.