The art of letting go

How simple tasks can positively impact our well-being

Like many people, I have accumulated a significant amount of stuff over the years. And apparently, like many people, I hang on to this stuff for far too long. Consider that 11 percent of us have a storage unit, often for our overflow despite the fact that 80 percent of the things that we keep, we never use. Whether or not we like to admit, many of us have an unhealthy and lifelong relationship with certain objects in our life.

Our relationship with possessions begins early in life, with children as young as two understanding ownership and, by six, showing the ability to value some items more than others. We’ve all seen how this sense of ownership often leads to envy and conflict over possessions among young children, e.g. “That’s mine!” where strong attachments are often formed to specific objects. As children grow, their possessions begin to reflect their identity, a trend that peaks in adolescence when materialism often aligns with self-esteem. Even in adulthood we continue to see possessions as extensions of ourselves, a notion supported by brain studies showing that ownership activates certain parts of our brain.

Having stuff also serve certain social functions, including status and group membership. We joke a lot about the cars people drive, the homes they live in, but there’s a lot of “social” underneath our desire to have nice things. Over time, our things also become repositories of our personal history, providing comfort and continuity, especially as we get older. Getting rid of things? Well, that’s the hard part.

This past week I hit a milestone. After countless moves, both in town and across the country, yearly attempts to downsize, and a tendency to ignore things that are never seen but stored in boxes, I finally came to grips with the fact that it was time to let go of some of my childhood things. You see, growing up, there was nothing more magical for me than being able to escape into a book. I loved stories, found that they fed my soul, and looked for a good hook everywhere I could find one. This meant I kept every book I ever read, including those much beloved comic books.

Growing up, my grandfather used to take me by the “drug store” whenever he would pick me up from school. Our time here was really for one reason - to grab a “funny book” also known as a comic, and then retreat back to my grandparents house where I could engross myself into this new story. Over the years, these comics, all of which I kept religiously, became an artifact of my childhood. Before I knew it, it had been 30 years, and I had not opened these comics despite remembering almost every storyline and character.

In my office closet there is a cardboard box filled with these comics that I finally had to admit wasn’t going to get used. I knew I needed to let it go, but was torn. On the one hand, these were my childhood memories; on the other, my kids aren’t interested in these, I am not going to go back through and reread them, and somewhere deep in my brain I kept thinking that having one less box in my home was a good thing. So I did the hard thing, took this box down to my local comic book store and unloaded it.

As I walked in I mentioned to the owner that I may need some counseling to get through this. To their credit, and in large part because they have likely had a lot of 40 something adults in the same situation, they handled it beautifully. Walking me through each one of the comics, the person doing my “intake” shared stories allowing me the space to let go of my possession while having the most joyful memories. It was kind of perfect. Had I just dropped off my comics and then gotten a check, I know for a fact that I would have felt pretty horrible about my decision. However, these owners took such good care of me even going so far as to pull out the ones that were “gems.”

This exercise got me thinking a lot more about why we hold on to things, what makes it so hard to let them go, and how both ends of this continuum impact our well-being.

Marie Kondo your way through your childhood: If you are anything like me, you probably have a box of stuff from your childhood. You likely have a thousands reasons or justifications as to why you keep them:

“One day my kids will want this.”

“This is worth a fortune!”

“I know one day I will use these.”

Whatever you tell yourself, it’s probably some justification that keeps you from getting rid of your stuff. A survey a few years ago found that fifty-four percent of Americans feel overwhelmed by their clutter, yet 78 percent don't know how to manage it or find it too complicated, leading to an accumulation that takes over their homes and offices.

Marie Kondo and her KonMari method, emphasizes tidying by category rather than location, starting with clothes and moving through books, papers, miscellaneous items, and sentimental items. The method encourages keeping only those items that "spark joy" and discarding the rest, promoting a more organized and joyful living space.

When we consider the items in life that spark joy, you are probably not thinking of a long lost box of comics no matter how cool it is to have them. The truth of it is for me that while I loved my time with the comics, there are other things in life that bring me more joy these days. So while letting them go was hard, it was liberating. These books, long collecting dust, no longer brought me the joy that they had as a kid. It was time, and led me to a place where I realized that I had a lot of boxes like this that needed to be given away for someone else to experience the joy I once did.

Holding on to stuff isn’t good for you: While this piece is about “things” this philosophy applies to almost everything in life. Accumulating physical clutter can create stress, reduce productivity, and negatively impact mental health, mirroring how holding onto emotional baggage, outdated ideas, or toxic relationships can hinder personal growth and well-being. Letting go of unnecessary possessions, as well as harmful habits and thoughts, fosters a healthier, more balanced lifestyle, making room for new opportunities and a clearer state of mind. Embracing the practice of releasing what no longer serves you can lead to profound positive changes, both in your living environment and overall life satisfaction.

There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to get rid of things: It's completely normal to feel an inclination to hold on to items, as most of us have some sort of relationship with our possessions. Like anything in life, there are extremes. While it's normal for people to have cherished objects that are hard to part with leading to negative feelings when they're lost, this doesn't equate to hoarding disorder. In fact, trauma and other life events can increase our desire to want to hold on to certain items. Ultimately, the key is to find a balance that allows us to appreciate and keep meaningful possessions without letting them overwhelm our living spaces and our lives.

This journey of decluttering isn't just about making more room in our physical spaces. It's also a profound exercise in understanding what we truly value and why. By selectively letting go of items that no longer serve us, we create space for new experiences, memories, and growth. The process can be challenging, but it's also incredibly rewarding, leading to a more organized, intentional, and fulfilling life. So, take a moment to reflect on your possessions and consider what truly sparks joy—embracing the freedom that comes with letting go.