You are enough

And why society likes to make you think you aren't

Many of my weekends in the fall are spent on a soccer field. The thrill of watching kids run up and down a field, growing their skill each game, is something that brings me such joy. The social side isn’t bad either. We have a social committee on our team that intentionally makes time and space for families to come together and get to know each other outside of the sideline cheering. It feels like a special time, one that gets us out of the house, often in a new city, and allows us to spend time together with others. I am convinced there’s a bit of magic in this set up.

This past weekend was no exception. It was a beautiful weekend, and our girls played their best eventually losing the championship game on penalty kicks. And while our families are super supportive, encouraging to a fault, there were a lot of other teams, parents, and coaches who were not.

While walking to the car to grab some water, I saw a dad berating his teenage son for not playing hard enough. A few hours later, I watched teammates argue with each other, frustrated by one another's performance. Our coach has told our parents many times that one of the biggest reasons kids quit sports is the ride home. You know the one. After a game, the parent that decides to lecture their child on all the things they should have done to win - it happens in those rides home and that’s too much for a lot of our kids. It’s sad because so much of the joy of athletics isn’t in the winning, it’s in the comradery, the social connections, the shared experiences - oh, and the game itself!

I watched how some of these kids walked away, dejected, some even in tears. It got me thinking how these moments can shape our lives. Perhaps its not sports - maybe it’s some other event where you’ve walked away feeling upset or rejected. From how we think about ourselves, how we feel about these situations, to their impact on us on long term, no doubt there are people out there who have been convinced that because of (fill in the blank), they are not good enough.

We get into some pretty vicious cycles of negative thinking when we start to compare ourselves to other people or even worse, their expectations for us. It could be something as simple as missing an open goal that becomes our focus over the hundreds of other good plays we made. It could be that Instagram post of a friend doing something you have always wanted to do. It could be on LinkedIn where you see people at events you weren’t invited to. Whatever it is, we can get into a nasty tailspin of thinking that may convince us there’s something wrong with us or some shortcoming we possess that’s the reason we’ve missed the goal, missed an experience, or missed an event.

It’s normal to want to do well, to be our best, but when we start comparing ourselves to others, it usually ends in disappointment. There’s actually science that backs this up. Social comparison theory, first introduced by psychologist Leon Festinger in the 1950s, suggests that we evaluate our own abilities and self-worth by comparing ourselves to others. And while sometimes comparisons can motivate us to improve, more often than not, they lead to negative feelings, self-doubt, and even anxiety.

Studies have shown that people who frequently compare themselves to others experience higher levels of stress and lower levels of self-esteem. This makes sense, doesn’t it? When we measure our worth against someone else’s accomplishments, we’re setting ourselves up for failure because we don’t see the full picture. We only see their highlight reel—the wins, the successes, the smiles—but we don’t know the struggles or challenges they’ve faced behind the scenes. It’s what our social feeds do best - provide that one glimpse into someone’s life without the broader context.

How to Recognize You Are Enough

So, how do we break this cycle of comparison and start embracing the idea that we are enough, just as we are? Here are some ideas:

1. Focus on Your Own Journey: Everyone’s path is different. Full stop. What works for someone else might not be right for you, and that’s okay. Start celebrating your own progress, no matter how small. Whether it’s learning something new, taking a step outside your comfort zone, or even just showing up when it’s hard—that’s something to be proud of and should be celebrated.

2. Practice Gratitude: It’s easy to get caught up in what we don’t have, but when we start focusing on what we do have, our perspective shifts. Studies have shown that practicing gratitude regularly can improve mental health and increase feelings of self-worth. Do something as simple as writing down things you’re thankful for each day, whether it’s the support of a friend, a small win at work, or even just a peaceful moment.

3. Limit Social Media Consumption (!): Social media is one of the biggest drivers of comparison. We scroll through perfectly curated images and stories, often forgetting that we’re only seeing a small snippet of someone’s life. If you notice that social media leaves you feeling inadequate, take a break or set boundaries around how much time you spend online. Truly, set it aside and watch how different you feel. I know this is hard to do, but at some point we have to ask ourselves is social media helping us more than hurting us?

4. Celebrate Others Without Comparing: Instead of seeing someone else’s success as a reflection of your shortcomings, learn to celebrate it without judgment. We’re all on different paths, and someone else’s win doesn’t mean you’ve lost. Celebrate their joy and achievements, and use it as inspiration without letting it affect how you see yourself.

5. Affirmations and Self-Compassion: Remind yourself regularly that you are enough, just as you are. Self-compassion—treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend—can help shift negative self-talk into something more positive. When you make a mistake or fall short of a goal, instead of being harsh, try telling yourself, “It’s okay. I’m learning, and that’s enough.”

At the end of the day, you don’t need to be perfect, and you don’t need to meet someone else’s expectations to be worthy. The real joy in life comes not from comparing ourselves to others but from embracing who we are—flaws and all—and recognizing that our value doesn’t come from winning the game or being invited to every event. It comes from showing up, living authentically, and finding contentment in our own journey. On some days that feels like a heavy lift, but it should be a goal we have for ourselves.

This is a lesson that, if we can internalize it, brings a deep sense of peace. Instead of constantly striving to “prove” ourselves, we can start enjoying the process of growth, the camaraderie of those around us, and the knowledge that we are already enough.

There’s freedom in knowing you are enough.

You are.